Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Randomize
