Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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