you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
