dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
