her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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