I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
no, he came in my armpit
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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