I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Dignity is for republicans.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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