i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
