I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
