I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
