I'm so fucking centered right now
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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