His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
