we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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