I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
