if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
