i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
