Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
