the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Drunk walkin through police station. America
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
