Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
