I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
The police scanner is talking about you again....
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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