Me. At least after what I've been through.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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