At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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