it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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