I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
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