Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
operation have a gay friend backfired
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
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