just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I got inside last night via doggy door
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
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