Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
