It's Friday. Sex?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
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