You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
