apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
