dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
