When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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