God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
