I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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