here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
