Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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