you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
