5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
