I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
