what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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