its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
