Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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