I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
