I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
