So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
he just fucked me for my cheese..
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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