yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
