what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
