She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
