When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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