your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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