my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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