I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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