I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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