saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
