I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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