We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Randomize
