Four minutes until I can fart!
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
