TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
